Leaving the Netherlands

I can’t believe a year has gone by already. I’ll be headed home fairly soon. Soon enough that I’m already settling into the ditching my stuff phase. It’s a weird process. I’ve uprooted so many times throughout my life, but only a couple of times as an adult. In some ways, the process is the same as it was as a teen. Get your stuff together, clean the house. Easy.

But wait, there’s more!

Sign out with the local city hall, get your university papers in order, book travel details, sell the stuff you can’t carry home, close your local bank account, REALLY deep clean the room because deposits are a thing and getting them back is like pulling teeth, make sure all your many travel papers are sorted and ready to go, gifts for family in hand, and yeah… I’m probably still forgetting something. I’ve gained so much respect for my mom this month. I can’t imagine this process x6. Seriously, what a wonder woman.

I made some good friends here. Staying in touch may prove more difficult than usual as we’re spread across at least two continents and these are students we’re talking about. Staying in touch is not a strong point for most of them. But I’ve got Pride in NYC on my calendar for next year with one buddy and another actually goes to Queen’s, so hey. How convenient.

This year has been more challenging and rewarding than I could have ever anticipated. If you’re considering going on exchange, I would recommend it. Travel is great, but there’s something unique about attending a university in a different culture for an entire year. I’ve gained some insight into European perspectives about the world, really deeply engaged with the culture, and learned that if I want to avoid a politics discussion, I need to always introduce myself as Canadian. The Dutch are incredibly involved internationally. Everyone I met here has a stronger knowledge base about Western history and politics than I do – I’m not a complete dummy, they’re just that active internationally. It was fascinating to go to local lectures on the current situation in the US – they’re legit studying “the quickest fall of a world power in history” over here, guys.

Am I ready to go home? No. Yes. I don’t know. Not really. Honestly I freaking love it here.

• It’s cheaper to eat veggies picked yesterday than it is to go get burgers or hit up the store for pasta. Veggies are cheaper than pasta. Winning.
• The people are nice. Best of all, most of the time I can’t understand them. I love being where it’s quiet.
• It’s never too hot or too cold. It’s like a Goldilocks zone.
• Cobblestone streets, tiny shops, bicycles, no cars downtown, daily activities on the square, a few local vintage shops where the owners know me by name and are sad I’m leaving (they better be, guess where all my spare change goes).
• Food. More food. All the food. And the sexy cook at Watapartja. All good things.
• Being alone. I’ve actually grown to love the fact that I’m over here all by myself, accountable to no one, totally on my own schedule, and in control of every little aspect of my life. The distance has somehow enabled me to grow as a person and get in tune with myself in a way I never have.

But at the same time, there’s a lot waiting for me.

• People, first and foremost. My parents. My grandparents. My hot boyfriend. My brothers. I haven’t seen Gabe in almost two years, which is just not cool.
• My hedgehog!! I missed her so much. (I missed family too)
• Cheap sushi. For some reason, eating sushi here is consistently 20+ euros. Yikes. And they don’t DO spicy tuna. What’s the point of sushi without spicy tuna?
• A new apartment… and official cohabitation with Will. *DEEP BREATHS*
• Wandering around Kingston and feeling nostalgic.

I’m so torn right now. Mostly I don’t want to go back to Kingston. But I miss my people. If I could have my people and just stay here in the Netherlands, that would be ideal. I almost feel like that by going back to Kingston, I’m going to revert to who I was a year ago and everything I’ve learned and become will disappear, just by virtue of “going back to the nest.” Is that crazy?

I’m also saddling up for the inevitable reverse culture shock. Though we’ll see! It may not be as bad going back to Canada as it has been in past when I’ve launched directly into, say, Miami airport. That shizz like a punch in the gut.

So yeah! All good things. Lots of overthinking. Lots of nostalgia. Lots of feeling like time is ridiculous and wondering why it won’t slow down a little for me. And plenty of excitement about the future as well. I feel as if I’m holding hands with both the future and the past and I’ll be slowly torn between them. Just chilling for now, clinging to the present like a life jacket. I’ll be here.