Goodbye, Wolfe Island

I would be lying if I said that I haven’t cried buckets over the past two weeks. There have been tears for my relationship, tears for the past year of frustrations, tears for other people’s stories. You get the picture. It’s been almost as bad as that one period where I even cried over a toilet paper commercial with a lost puppy. I’ve gone through several buckets of ice cream, a ridiculous amount of chocolate, and more time spent sitting on the couch with my feelings than I think I’ve ever indulged in. Oof.

I’d also be lying if I told you that I have a magical cure for heartbreak and am miraculously better already. I’ve never been good at sharing a filtered reality online.

BUT.

There IS something to be said for leaving the country immediately after a negative, life changing moment. I may not be perfectly happy, but I’m feeling emotionally healthy.

Today was my last day on Wolfe Island since moving here two weeks ago. Tomorrow I’ll wrap up some final work stuff and head to Toronto. Then it’s on to Hong Kong.

Though I’m dreading the 15 hour flight, I’ve felt this deep sense of peace and affirmation fall over me these past few days. This is right. I can feel it. It’s almost as if I’m about to break through a veil and discover something – I don’t know what – the woman I’m meant to be, maybe, or a deep life lesson. I’ll let it come to me.

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been surrounded by the love and wisdom of so many women in my community. Even women I didn’t know were fully aware of my presence have come to me to share their own pain, their healing processes, and their compassion. One described this stage as a “rebirth process, like a snake shedding her skin.” Another told me I was about to “come into my power.” I’m not sure what that means, but this trip is clearly pushing me towards something.

I found a photo the other day and realized it was the last time I felt fully happy, content, and grounded in my life – it was taken almost two years ago. I was shook. It’s crazy how you can fall into a pattern of sacrifice and self-deprivation and not realize it until something shifts hard and your perspective is forced to change. For the first time in a long time, I’m giving firstly to myself, doing things because *I* want to do them, and embracing my identity for what it is. I’m not out to “find myself.” I know who I am – I’ve just been untrue to her and allowed others to twist that identity into what they wanted it to be, whether through connections at school, friends, or romantic relationships.

I don’t have time for that anymore. The plane leaves in less than 42 hours!

Travel has already forced me out of my own head and given me something new to dream about. Though I’m definitely grieving and taking time to work through those feelings, it’s beautiful to have plane ticket proof that this isn’t the end of my world. This new chapter is going to be so much more transformative than the last – absolutely worth living for.

Also, there’s nothing like solo travel to remind you how capable, strong, self-reliant, and powerful you are. If you can save up (or make money on the road), plan it out, work up the courage to face your fears, and go through with it, you can do anything. Am I right?

Love you all. See you on the other side. :)